Cats Are Aliens Morfeus · TEDx speaker · Portola Valley, CA

Interstellar Feline Registry · Intake open

Your cat is not from here.

I'm Morfeus. I live in a house in Portola Valley, I gave a TEDx talk, and I have watched more cats than any human has had time to. They never blink first. Nothing from this planet does that.

Send me your cat. I'll open its file, work out where it came from, and issue its crew ID.

Register your cat Read the field notes

Your photo is uploaded only when you buy.

Crew Registration Kit

What arrives in the black box

Every kit is made for one cat. Morfeus writes the file himself, so no two are the same.

  • Crew ID

    A plastic card the size of a credit card with your cat's photo, origin and rank, printed edge to edge on a black card.

  • Intake file

    The classified dossier: where your cat came from, why it is here and what it has been observed doing. Printed on heavy paper and sealed.

  • The box

    A black rigid box with a foil registry seal and a slot that holds the card.

  • Sold separately

    Return-to-sender tag for the collar, engraved to match.

Classified

Feline intake file · IFR-0417-K452B

Subject: Biscuit

Origin
Kepler-452b, Milky Way · Cygnus
Arrived
2019, disguised as a kitten
Rank
Field Observer, 2nd class
Mission
Keep the refrigerator under observation

Morfeus
Earth Field Office, Portola Valley

Registry office

Three ways to register a cat

Classified dossier

$5digital

Upload a photo. Morfeus writes your cat's intake file and sends a card image sized for posting.

Arrives by email within the hour

Return-to-sender tag

$10+ shipping

Steel collar tag, engraved: IF FOUND, DO NOT RETURN TO SENDER. SENDER IS NOT FROM HERE. On the back: your cat's name and a QR code that reaches you if someone finds your cat.

Ships in 3 to 5 days

Crew registration kit

$20+ shipping

The crew ID above, the sealed paper dossier and the black box. Uses the name and photo you entered.

Ships from Portola Valley in 5 to 7 days

Field notes

Morfeus has been watching

He posts what he observes on X. A few from this month:

  • Field note 0139

    Your cat isn't ignoring you. It's on a call.

  • Field note 0141

    A cat knocking a glass off the table is not being rude. It is checking whether your gravity still works. It is reassured every time.

  • Field note 0142

    I gave a TEDx talk. The humans clapped. The cat in row three took notes.

  • Field note 0144

    Sixteen hours of sleep a day is not laziness. It is a long-haul crew rhythm. They are waiting for a window.